A couple of weeks ago, I was chatting with a few therapists about how sex has been showing up in our sessions. Sexual response and desire were two LOUD topics that came up! And it comes as no surprise. Response and desire are two fixtures of sexuality that are rarely talked about, and when they are they are we often misunderstand them.
Back in grad school, we learned this old-school model of sexual response based on the work of two sexologists—Virginia Johnson and William Masters. To be fair, their research (from the 1960s!) was groundbreaking for its time. But as we’ve learned more (by, you know, talking to more humans), it turns out their model didn’t go far enough.
Here’s the deal: Masters and Johnson’s model (1966) was largely shaped by male sexual response patterns, which left out a lot of nuance in women’s experiences, as well as queer folks.
Their model describes sexual response as four linear stages:
Excitement – The body starts responding (increased heart rate, lubrication, etc.).
Plateau – Arousal builds in intensity, leading up to orgasm.
Orgasm – Peak arousal, AKA “cumming.”
Resolution – The body returns to baseline.
But here’s what we know now: not everyone responds this way. Cis men often do, but many others don’t.
This is where Rosemary Basson (2000) comes in. Studying women’s sexuality, she found:
Orgasm isn’t always a clear endpoint. Many women experience rolling orgasms, where pleasure continues rather than sharply declining. (I’ve noticed this sometimes with natal men during anal sex—orgasm doesn’t always mean ejaculation.)
Desire doesn’t always come first. Many people don’t start with spontaneous excitement but can become aroused through intimacy, touch, or emotional connection—flipping the Masters & Johnson script.
Emotional connection matters. M&J didn’t focus much on intimacy, but for many, emotional closeness is a major factor in sexual response.
Take home: Sexual pleasure isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s often circular, nonlinear, and way more complex than we were taught.
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